The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) seems wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, but it fails to make the ideal immediately evident.

That’s a problem for us. So we set the ideal. We butchered the model, but we defined the sweet spot. Where else on the graph could it be? Top right! Of course!

We describe the model as it applies to us using that great George Monbiot video on YouTube, the one about wolves being reintroduced to Yellowstone National Park after 80(?) years of absence. Search ‘How Wolves Change Rivers’ to find it. The crux of the talk he gives is that wolves are ecosystem architects, and that their presence leads to what’s known as a ‘trophic cascade’. Their being there affects the lives and behaviours of all other animals either directly or vicariously, fundamentally altering the landscape of the park – right down to the physical geography itself. He says “the rivers changed in response to the wolves”.

One of the key relationships in the park is the wolves and the deer. This is a direct relationship. Prior to the wolves reintroduction, the deer roamed freely, eating what they wanted, where they wanted. The wolves appearance changed that. It affected where the deer travelled in the park, to avoid being trapped easily. This led of course to more vegetation in these areas some trees quintupled in size in just a matter of years! So while the wolves may be scary and the deer seemingly harmless, its the balance of the two that helps contribute to a healthy environment.

So we use the wolves and the deer as the Y and X axes on our Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) respectively. In this model, the Y axis (Wolves) indicates ‘Assertiveness’ and the X axis (Deer) – ‘Cooperativeness’. The graph space is then set out as a quadrant, with the top right being our ideal.

Top left (high assertiveness, low cooperation) is defined as ‘Competitive’. This is where the wolves love to spend time. This is the battleground of ideas. If an idea stands up to scrutiny and survives, it has done well, but if it has beaten an opponent – more the better. 
This space makes quick decisions with the information to hand.
This space will fight.
This space is more willing to do something and change the approach later.
This space can alienate people.
This space will go on a bear hunt… Oh no!
This space is frightening to many.
This space fights over the best ideas it hears, but often fails to hear ideas.

Bottom right (low assertiveness, high cooperation) is defined as ‘Accommodating’. This is where the deer live. The landscape here feels very safe. It is not a battleground, it seems fruitful but may easily be what Patrick Lencioni defines as ‘Artificial Harmony’. 
This space says “yes boss”.
This space wants to serve a noble vision.
This space memorises answers and performs well on tests.
This space can take disagreements personally.
This space says “I will” happily and means it.
This space cares how others feel, or how others feel about me. 

Bottom left (low assertiveness, low cooperation) is defined as ‘Avoiding’. This is the super-volcano under Yellowstone National Park that will one day erupt and destroy everything. Herein lies the issue with the TKI – it fails to outline what we know inherently – this space is no good. No good for us and no good for those around us.
This space says “I don’t care”.
This space says “You don’t care about me”.
This space says to others “They don’t care about us“.
This space doesn’t share its ideas.
This space resents that its ideas aren’t heard.
This space is a pit, and it calls in the likeminded.
This space is where bruised egos caress each other.

Top right (high assertiveness, high cooperation) is defined as ‘Collaboration’. The obvious ideal. Here is a truly harmonious ecosystem. There’s not just wolves or deer here. There’s every kind of creature. This space is so powerful that even the physical landscape changes. Rivers change here! This space is where every persons highest contribution is invited, expected and earnestly facilitated. 
Two things happen in this space:
– The wolf listens
– The deer speaks

We are not asking anyone to “be more assertive, like me!” nor are we saying “lets not argue, we’re all friends”. To the one happiest when competing, you must find a way to communicate to those around that you are willing and desired to listen to their input. To the one happiest when accommodating, you must likewise find a way to communicate your ideas. It could be as simple as asking someone to hear your perspective, have them repeat it back to you, confirming that they understood and ending the conversation – leaving the decision with them. All to simply aid you in developing confidence in raising your view.

Perhaps I’ll write more on how to get to the collaboration space in future.