Being angry is remarkably easy. Knowing why you’re angry is the challenge.

I’d been angry for quite a long time, and it was giving rise to a lot of other unpleasant counterparts. I had become very bitter, resentful, and I was finding it very hard to trust peoples intentions. Thankfully, some good friends had taught me that gossip never yields any good fruit, so I avoided malicious talk and back-biting, but in my heart I remained aloof, distant and worst of all in my mind, I was suspicious.

These are ugly words to write, but I am doing so in order to remember in future some help I have had recently that has led to some really valuable changes in my relationships with God and others.

I told my friend about this, and more details of stories underlying these feelings.

“All told, I feel like I have forgiven people that I needed to. I’m still hurt but, yeah, I’ve forgiven people”. I told him.

“It doesn’t sound like it”.

He continued;

“When do you feel closest to God?”

The answer I had was immediate and unexpected. The suddenness felt revelatory. I paused before speaking, hoping for some other words to better frame and explain my answer, but none were forthcoming.

“When I’m asking for help”. I replied.

So he encouraged me, if you are stuck, angry and resentful. Feeling constantly suspicious of peoples intentions, ask God for help. So I have, I’ve been doing so, almost every day.

It is certainly true, when I pray, which is not something I do often, though I typically pray as and when I write. I almost count this as a type of prayer. I am asking for help. The primary reason for this is that I have come to trust God far more than I trust my own ability to know the right thing to want. I should like far less to ask God for something than I would to ask for his grace to allow me to yield.

I spoke to my friend Armand about all this, readers of the blog will be acquainted with this great man. One of my heroes and my very best friends. He reminded me of a verse that summed up my experience of my own spiritual life for probably around the last four to five years. I’ll give the verse with some preamble but the verse Armand mentioned was just the section in bold;

James 4:5-6 “Do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, ‘He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us’? But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’”.

All that time that I was finding it desperately hard to approach God and ask for help does feel foolishly wasted. Though I know it wasn’t, I’m grateful and glad I have written this down to help remember.

Help for the wuss
on the dark walk home,
help for the moron
holding their tongue,
help for the awkward
tripping over theirs.
Help for the showman
perfecting his act,
help for the liar
in his fictional world
and help for the scream
and all its ugly uttered regret.
To live beyond these helps,
is to live outside.
So take the opposite position.
The path of the humble
is surprisingly well trod.
Though those that walked it,
often didn’t.
You’ll need a hand on,
but you can always find it.
The path of the humble
is surprisingly well kept.

Here’s the practice I have landed on to try to remember this each day. I simply endeavour to;